big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
