next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
