this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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