i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
