Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
