please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
