He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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