She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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