she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
