kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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