just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
