just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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