dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
