For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
porn star boner night. come get it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
