got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
