he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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