while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
