I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
