The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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