Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
