A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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