woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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