Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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