I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
