Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
