i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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