She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
