Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
