a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
