it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
