No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
