im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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