I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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