So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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