she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she pinky promised me she was 18
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
