Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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