shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
