I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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