I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
