it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
did i walk over a car last night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
