I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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