Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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