Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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