The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
zippers are such a cool invention
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
