My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
