remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
