Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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