I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
