Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
