three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
