$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
